One Voice

So, I realize it has been quite a while since I last posted, so hopefully it goes without saying that the show (and my life) have changed quite a bit in the last few weeks.  So, briefly, here is what has gone down.  I took a new job with a small tutoring company, my car will be in the shop for who knows how long thanks so the wonderful drivers of St. Louis, I was taken out and recovered from a virus, and am back on a path that I feel is relatively good for my life.  It has been quite an adjustment to working a new job and doing a show, and it reminds me of how busy I used to keep myself when I was in school; always running from one thing to the next.  Work, rehearsal, sleep has become somewhat of a mantra.

As I look into this next week, though, I am filled with nothing but excitement for what is to come.  I am sitting here listening to the cast recording for the first time in a month or so, I am reminded of how far this cast has come.  This being my first experience with New Line and a brand new set of people, I had no idea what I could expect going into this.  Working on this production has been nothing less than a joy.

Especially coming off our first get-together outside of rehearsal, this cast has become united.  There are no weak links in the cast and everyone has found their purpose in the story.  There are stories that have developed with not only the main characters, but also in the more ensemble-like roles as well.  For us, it makes the story feel alive, real, and above all honest.  On top of that, these people are some of the most fun people to interact with on the stage and off.

It has been so cool to watch it come together piece by piece: first moving into the space, and building and starting to add raw set pieces, then seeing them get painted, adding lights on Saturday and the band yesterday.  We start with costumes tonight, and that is when the production really takes its first breath for me.  Tech week is always my favorite part, when all of the hard work comes together, the individuals disappear, and we become one voice telling a story.

I suppose the jist of all of this is really that we are sitting well right now, and I am so excited to share this with an audience!

Prayers for Bobby

We have finally finished strict musical rehearsals.  With the full read through last week (which I was sad to miss 'cause of work), we move on to blocking and truly beginning to tell the story.  So, I decided to give the show a full listen through to get myself set.  This time through was different, though.

At the first rehearsal, Scott mentioned that there were some books to read to help give a good background.  I picked up Prayers for Bobby, and have now finished the book.  For me, it has cast a whole new light on the show.  So, to preface, Bobby Griffith was an all-American boy...and he was gay. The resulting conflict, with help from the rejection of his family and religion, proved insoluble and he took his own life, throwing himself off a bridge into the path of an approaching semi.  Among the things he left behind, his diaries, covering the better portion of his last 5 years revealing his self-hating "other" side.  Religion, instigated and enforced by his mother, led to some vast divides in Bobby's sense of self and his ability to see himself in any sort of positive light:

"I am evil and wicked. I want to spit vulgarities at everyone I see. I am dirt, harmful bacteria grows inside me...I was innocent, trusting, loving.  The world has raped me till my insides are shredding and bleeding.  My voice is small and unheard, unnoticed. Damned. 


Gentle springtime weather surrounds me, but a fierce unrelenting storm rages within .... I wish I could crawl under a rock and sleep for the rest of time."


He was unable to take refuge in his family as all were disapproving.  His prayers asking his god to fix him were not working.  His feelings of inadequacy left him guarded and unwilling to open up to those who might have had a chance to help him.  He was abandoned, frightened, alone.

Now, this book is also about his mother's coming to grips with his death and her eventual transformation from one who was praying to "heal" him to national gay rights activist, but I think we will leave that alone for now.  This reading now accentuated the blind religious following, the true ignorance and often times stupidity of the people involved, and the deep unrelenting fear present in Jason (in Bare... duh).  The parallels between Jason and Bobby are striking; their reality to the boys so painful.

The most startling realization comes with knowing the root of all of these problems: the simple thought that being gay is wrong, that no one would love him as he was.  Instead of being able to think that this might ever be acceptable, Bobby is forced to think that his most primal of feelings is unclean and unnatural, something that needed to be fixed.  (This is also the simple thought that must be overturned in the mother's mind, being the first step toward atonement.)  The expression of love from his family is in an effort to cure him.  This warps his view of any positive experiences that he has and makes him feel guilty for exploring his sexuality in healthy (..and sometimes, unhealthy) ways.  Any time he would get close to someone he pulled back for fear of what may come of it.

Fear in the driver's seat, blind decisions are made, which all by themselves may not lead to much, but when summed together, take a tragic toll.

Strong stuff here.  I'm all sorts of excited to bring this to life.

From Mahler to Bare

It has been a crazy few weeks pretty much jam packed with concerts of one kind or another (from a broadway review, to The Lord of the Rings, to Barber/Mahler, and even a cappella) and beginning rehearsals for Bare.  The St. Louis Symphony performed Mahler's Resurrection symphony (No. 2) this last weekend, preceded by a work by Barber.  These were incredible pieces that I was lucky enough to have the privilege to sing.  The power of the music literally sent chills throughout my body.  These performances were also emotionally charged as they were a fitting tribute to our late Chorus Manager, Richard Ashburner.  Mahler's ability to merge the interplay of life and death, while going from a death march, to some more playful melodies, and then send the listener off to the heavens with the such a  powerful ending is something that I could only dream of being able to do.

Now we transition to the musical opposite with Bare! The vast variety of music that exists is enough to astound, but to simply have the ability and the opportunity to perform multiple styles is something I love!  It's so exciting to be able to work on a musical again.  While the music is definitely not as challenging, it is so much fun and the ability to develop characters and tell a story is really wonderful.  I can't wait to finish up learning the music so we can get to the telling of the story.  This is my very first experience with New Line Theater, and I am loving this cast! It has been almost a year since my last musical, so it is really exciting to be able to meet new people and embark on the wonderful story that is Bare.

I first stumbled upon this musical last summer, and the first time I listened to it, I did nothing else but lay there and listen...and cry.  It is such a powerful and poignant story, and I found a little of myself in each and every one of the characters.  I am playing the part of Alan in this production, who is seemingly the class nerd; Not a part of life I am unfamiliar with ... ha!  I guess being a Biology major and pre-med would do that...  I am so excited to begin to develop the character and see just how nerdy WashU made me!

This thing called blogging

I can't really say that this is something that I have really done before, but I have read enough blogs that it seems like something worth trying.  I feel that there will be a good amount of insight into who I am as this blog grows, so I won't bore you with that now.  As for where I am in my life, and why this is happening now, it mainly boils down to the fact that I am changing directions in my life.  For a while, I was dead set on going to Med School and pursuing a career in research medicine.  That being said, it becomes obvious that plans have changed and right now I am doing some teaching/tutoring in the St. Louis area and am really excited to be in a production of "Bare: a pop opera" at New Line Theater.


I don't really have any preconceptions for what this is supposed to be or even a real vision of what will happen on here, but what I do know is that it will be somewhat raw and unedited, a glimpse into my thoughts.  Welcome.